Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
