when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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