There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize