We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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