just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
