i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
