so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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