i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Randomize
