Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
