____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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