yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
