I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
