Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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