It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
