He uses pillows to masturbate.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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