Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We need a shit load of segways right now
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize