The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
