we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
