Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
