The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
