k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
