Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
