so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
