1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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