you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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