we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I need water and some morals
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
