the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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