But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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