She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
