So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
