that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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