No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
