This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
