There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
