you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
