i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize