Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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