It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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