There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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