I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
