Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
