oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize