am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
