This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
