Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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