clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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