Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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