I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
