Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
