think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
