dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
