Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
