I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Randomize
