I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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