Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
someone threw a dead crab at me
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
