If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
