Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize