There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
