you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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