kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
