I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
