No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
