i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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