The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
