woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
