I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
