i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
