can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
