I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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