my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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