I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
