dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
