A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
